This is a topic that I've thought a lot about for a while. It probably first popped into my head around 4 or 5 years ago, and it's not really ever gone away. Mostly because it's an issue that has had great relevance in the last decade of my life. The subject I'm referring to is what I like to call "Segregation of the Sexes." It pretty much means: "Girls, you go over here and interact with each other in a little bubble. And guys you do the same." When I was younger (probably 14 or 15 or somewhere in there) I began to notice something. I had grown up my whole life playing with boys AND girls, and as my friends and I grew older, we started to hang around our same gender more than our opposite gender. Now, YES, I know there are reasons for that and I understand that relationships between opposite genders does change and perhaps become more awkward as children grow older and mature into young adults. But if I'm being honest, I think we are using that as a bit of an excuse to separate ourselves from our opposite gender, and we lose out on a lot. Let me explain. I believe girls are able to teach boys lessons that they quite desperately NEED, and they have amazing gifts and character traits that boys do not. I believe the same about boys. They have things that girls need to learn and practice too. Without girls in their life, boys pretty much become testosterone-infused gorillas that tend to trample over anything in their path without much remorse or recourse. (Which might sound funny, but there's some truth there.) Girls on the other hand are able to fair much better than boys without the presence of their opposite gender, but my point is, they still lose out on lessons and training that they could have if they hang out with their counterparts! So when we separate the genders into "groups", each group ends up losing out on what the other group can offer and teach them. And I believe, when the boys and girls grow up and get married, they will have MUCH more trouble with their spouse, simply because they were never taught how to properly interact with their opposite gender when they were young.
Now, if you're a homeschooling parent or a homeschooler yourself, I know EXACTLY what you're thinking right now. Haha. (Because I was a homeschooler too, and I have your same homeschooling mindset and hang-ups.) You're probably thinking, "But Seth, homeschooling is built on the idea of not dating and becoming attached to the opposite gender while you are young. And too much interaction between the genders can lead to that." But let me pose a question to you. When did I say anything about dating when you're young being beneficial? I didn't. Yet that's the first alarm bell that went off in your head while reading this post. Why? Because woven into the fabric of the homeschool mindset is the idea that, "If you allow boys and girls to interact with each other, there will be attractions and romantic interests that develop." Is that true? Absolutely. But does that mean we should "Separate the Sexes?" Absolutely not. That would just be running from the problem. Instead of separating the genders, we should teach them how to handle and control their interests. We should teach them that, "Yes, I know you are interested in this person, and that's ok. But that doesn't mean you're old enough or ready to date and be in a relationship with that person yet. So you should wait." It's so simple! Instead of running from our problem, we should just simply learn how to fix it. Turn and face the dragon in the room! Haha.
So in conclusion, I'm not saying girls can't hang out with other girls and guys can't hang out with other guys. That would be just as absurd! All I'm saying is that we should practice how to interact with those who are different than us, in gender, personality, doctrine, and whatever else. I believe the heart of God is for unity despite difference. God designed variety and difference and it is an amazing thing to live in unity with all men (and women.) Without variety and difference, I believe this life would be much less worth living.
(As I said in my introduction to this blog, all of this is just some thoughts of mine. I don't think I even agree with all of it. HAHA. Let me know what you guys think.)
Now, if you're a homeschooling parent or a homeschooler yourself, I know EXACTLY what you're thinking right now. Haha. (Because I was a homeschooler too, and I have your same homeschooling mindset and hang-ups.) You're probably thinking, "But Seth, homeschooling is built on the idea of not dating and becoming attached to the opposite gender while you are young. And too much interaction between the genders can lead to that." But let me pose a question to you. When did I say anything about dating when you're young being beneficial? I didn't. Yet that's the first alarm bell that went off in your head while reading this post. Why? Because woven into the fabric of the homeschool mindset is the idea that, "If you allow boys and girls to interact with each other, there will be attractions and romantic interests that develop." Is that true? Absolutely. But does that mean we should "Separate the Sexes?" Absolutely not. That would just be running from the problem. Instead of separating the genders, we should teach them how to handle and control their interests. We should teach them that, "Yes, I know you are interested in this person, and that's ok. But that doesn't mean you're old enough or ready to date and be in a relationship with that person yet. So you should wait." It's so simple! Instead of running from our problem, we should just simply learn how to fix it. Turn and face the dragon in the room! Haha.
So in conclusion, I'm not saying girls can't hang out with other girls and guys can't hang out with other guys. That would be just as absurd! All I'm saying is that we should practice how to interact with those who are different than us, in gender, personality, doctrine, and whatever else. I believe the heart of God is for unity despite difference. God designed variety and difference and it is an amazing thing to live in unity with all men (and women.) Without variety and difference, I believe this life would be much less worth living.
(As I said in my introduction to this blog, all of this is just some thoughts of mine. I don't think I even agree with all of it. HAHA. Let me know what you guys think.)
Seth, it is a touchy subject. How much do you allow teenagers to interact? As a parent I am very sensitive to this issue because of the lack of supervision I had when I was in my teens. I think that your opinion is accurate. It really comes down to doing things in groups of 3 or more, this is probably the best way to stay safe. Bill
ReplyDeleteI think that is very wise Mr. Bill. Especially when the concerned parties are young! And I also totally understand being very aware as a parent, because you've already lived the years your children are in now and you've also learned from the mistakes of your parents. I love it how each generation becomes wiser because they learn from the mistakes of their parents. So neat!
DeleteInteresting observation. I think I agree. I guess there's definitely a place for balance in this area, just like in almost everything. However, I must say that my whole life, I've always had an inclination to go sit with "the other group." As a kid, I wanted to be with the adults or the senior citizens. As an adult female, I often find the conversation that the men are having is more interesting to me than the one I'm having with the women. That's not always the case, but it is quite often.
ReplyDeleteYes, I totally understand you there Mrs. Tara. From when I was younger to now, I've often enjoyed the company of "the other group" more than just other males who were my age. In fact, that's a reason I decided to post about this. It was always sort of heartbreaking to me growing up when mixed company was discouraged. And you made another great point! It's also SOOOO good to have mixed ages as well as mixed genders. Because the younger can teach the older, and vice versa. So good! I'm glad you enjoy mixing now and when you were younger. I relate.
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