In this post, as always, no pressure to agree with what I say. It might help you and clarify a lot and it might not. I hope it's at least thought-provoking for you. If you are for "Dating", or for "Courting", or against them both, I encourage you to think hard and listen to the voice of the Spirit regarding this subject.
In this post, I'm simply going to explain what I believe "Dating" and "Courting" are, and list some problems that I have with the former.
Ideology #1: Dating
When I hear the word "Dating", here's what comes to my mind. A boy or girl (often quite young) has a "crush" on somebody, so they "ask that person out." They go to see a movie or out to eat or something. Sometimes they are middle-schoolers who don't even have enough money and can't drive, so they just say they're "dating" without actually going out on a date. (Haha.) Other times, even when it comes to high school and college students, a person asks someone on a date because they "like" that person and find them mildly intriguing or "cute" and they think dating him or her will be "fun." Now, it sounds sort of harmless to some people when I put it that way. But I have a major problem with the "dating" mindset because it rarely LASTS. Kids just make a quick, impulsive decision to date a random person because it seems exciting to them, and then three weeks later, guess what? They see another cute and fascinating boy or girl! So they "break up" with their current boy or girl and grab a new one. Letting a child date in middle school is like sending them into an ice cream store with a credit card and telling them to try all the flavors they want! They'll try every single one in the store! Relationship is not meant to be treated like ice cream! It's not meant to be "sampled." It's meant to be chosen and guarded and pursued. No matter what. Yet most kids end up in a "dating relationship" with 6 to 10 people before they choose their spouse! You might think, "What's the harm in letting kids have fun with their peers even though it won't last?" Well, because we're inadvertently teaching them to do exactly what they shouldn't do when they get married: just quit and move on to somebody else when you feel like it.
I should point out that there's nothing inherently wrong with the word "dating." If you're mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready and mature, and you're seeing someone and taking them out on "dates", I don't mind if you say you're "dating." The word is not the problem. Haha. As long as your end goal in "dating" is to MARRY someone, I don't mind what you call it. It is when your end goal is to "have fun" in a relationship that I believe there are problems. Which leads me to "Courtship."
Ideology #2: Courtship
You might not know what the difference between "Courtship" and "Dating" is and there are many opinions as to what that difference is. I will tell you what I believe is the difference. The difference is the goal and attitude of the relationship between the two people. The "Dating" ideology's goal is to "have fun" and passively see if the relationship works out. The "Dating" attitude says that you should date around whichever way the wind blows until you happen upon "the one" for you. The "Courtship" goal and attitude is that you don't "happen upon" your spouse or date 14 different people trying to "find the right one." In courtship, you intentionally pursue ONE person. In courtship, you choose someone who you enjoy and who complements your strengths; someone you don't want to live without, and, through effort, hard work, intentionality, unconditionality, and a conscious choice, you work through your issues together instead of quitting. You forge a strong relationship with someone that cannot be torn down by anything. That is what genuine love is. A choice. And that is why I believe a "Courting" mindset is healthier than a "Dating" one. Relationship, unconditional love, and intentional effort must be the foundation of your relationship with your future spouse. Not "having fun." You should "Date" or "Court" or pursue someone with the intention of marrying that someone. Not the intention of having a good time and "seeing if it works out." Dating ideology is passive. Courtship ideology is intentional. Dating supports "having fun." Courtship supports being loyal. Dating suggests multiple, rapid shots in order to hit the bullseye. Courtship suggests careful aim at one spot before you pull the trigger.
When I hear the word "Dating", here's what comes to my mind. A boy or girl (often quite young) has a "crush" on somebody, so they "ask that person out." They go to see a movie or out to eat or something. Sometimes they are middle-schoolers who don't even have enough money and can't drive, so they just say they're "dating" without actually going out on a date. (Haha.) Other times, even when it comes to high school and college students, a person asks someone on a date because they "like" that person and find them mildly intriguing or "cute" and they think dating him or her will be "fun." Now, it sounds sort of harmless to some people when I put it that way. But I have a major problem with the "dating" mindset because it rarely LASTS. Kids just make a quick, impulsive decision to date a random person because it seems exciting to them, and then three weeks later, guess what? They see another cute and fascinating boy or girl! So they "break up" with their current boy or girl and grab a new one. Letting a child date in middle school is like sending them into an ice cream store with a credit card and telling them to try all the flavors they want! They'll try every single one in the store! Relationship is not meant to be treated like ice cream! It's not meant to be "sampled." It's meant to be chosen and guarded and pursued. No matter what. Yet most kids end up in a "dating relationship" with 6 to 10 people before they choose their spouse! You might think, "What's the harm in letting kids have fun with their peers even though it won't last?" Well, because we're inadvertently teaching them to do exactly what they shouldn't do when they get married: just quit and move on to somebody else when you feel like it.
I should point out that there's nothing inherently wrong with the word "dating." If you're mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready and mature, and you're seeing someone and taking them out on "dates", I don't mind if you say you're "dating." The word is not the problem. Haha. As long as your end goal in "dating" is to MARRY someone, I don't mind what you call it. It is when your end goal is to "have fun" in a relationship that I believe there are problems. Which leads me to "Courtship."
Ideology #2: Courtship
You might not know what the difference between "Courtship" and "Dating" is and there are many opinions as to what that difference is. I will tell you what I believe is the difference. The difference is the goal and attitude of the relationship between the two people. The "Dating" ideology's goal is to "have fun" and passively see if the relationship works out. The "Dating" attitude says that you should date around whichever way the wind blows until you happen upon "the one" for you. The "Courtship" goal and attitude is that you don't "happen upon" your spouse or date 14 different people trying to "find the right one." In courtship, you intentionally pursue ONE person. In courtship, you choose someone who you enjoy and who complements your strengths; someone you don't want to live without, and, through effort, hard work, intentionality, unconditionality, and a conscious choice, you work through your issues together instead of quitting. You forge a strong relationship with someone that cannot be torn down by anything. That is what genuine love is. A choice. And that is why I believe a "Courting" mindset is healthier than a "Dating" one. Relationship, unconditional love, and intentional effort must be the foundation of your relationship with your future spouse. Not "having fun." You should "Date" or "Court" or pursue someone with the intention of marrying that someone. Not the intention of having a good time and "seeing if it works out." Dating ideology is passive. Courtship ideology is intentional. Dating supports "having fun." Courtship supports being loyal. Dating suggests multiple, rapid shots in order to hit the bullseye. Courtship suggests careful aim at one spot before you pull the trigger.
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