My Mother recently asked me the question, "Seth, would you let your daughter wear ____?" This question really cause me to do some serious thinking. It made me realize that modesty is an unavoidable issue in life and we all have to decide what is best for us and our present or future children. In this post, I'm pretty much going to give you my standards and opinions when it comes to modesty and explain why and where I've drawn the lines that I have. And I still don't know what I think about some outfits, but hopefully this post will give you something to chew on and think about. However, I don't consider my opinion to be foolproof. What I think is a little immodest might be considered OK to you or vice-versa. And that's alright. I'm not trying to impose my views of modesty onto you. I just wanted to share some thoughts of mine on the subject. First, let's try to define exactly what types of things are immodest.
My Mom has recently told me that "there should be a standard of modesty for each household and for each person. Everybody has to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and draw lines for themselves about what is decent to wear." In my household while I was growing up, I was taught that two-piece bathing suits were immodest. I know people who were OK with those though too. Different people set different boundaries. We all have to set our own boundaries when it comes to V-necks, tank-tops, tutus, crop-tops, spaghetti straps, low cut shirts, and high cut shorts. And on top of that, you often have to judge each piece of clothing individually instead of saying, "All tank-tops are indecent." I have a sister. She might show me two tank-tops and I think one is OK and the other is immodest, even though they're both tanks. One litmus test that I have to determine the modesty of clothing is to see how much skin is showing. Women's low cut shirts and high cut jeans often come across to me as immodest even if they're not very tight, simply because of how much skin is visible. Visible underwear often strikes me as indecent too. With certain outfits, I think spaghetti straps can be OK, but when it comes to boxers, briefs, and bottoms, I don't think those should be visible. Guys should wear a belt if they can't keep their pants up. Haha. When it comes to women's bathing suits, every single one is different, but anything that shows your belly is often a thumbs down for me. I think even some suits that show your back are a little too much depending on how much of your back they show. Crop-tops in my opinion are also too exposing.However, I do think form-fitting clothing is totally OK. I think girls should definitely be able to wear tight clothes to show that they're healthy and attractive and I think guys should totally be able to wear shirts that make their muscles look defined. Too much visible skin is really the only main thing that I consider immodest. I think form-fitted and skin-tight clothes are totally decent. As long as the body is actually INSIDE the clothes I'm personally OK. But that's just the boundaries that I've set for me. It's important that we know what we think is decent, and what our friends think is decent. That way, we can protect and respect each other.
Immodesty is not thoughtful of others.
But what exactly is wrong about immodesty? To me, the number one thing that makes immodesty harmful is that it has no thoughtfulness for others. Immodesty sometimes has an underlying attitude that says, "There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and how I dress. It's your 'responsibility' to keep your eyes and your thoughts in check. Not mine. I should be able to wear whatever I want to." To say that how you dress shouldn't effect others really shows a lack of understanding and thoughtfulness. Yes. Of course it's true that ultimately, it is each persons job to manage and control their own desires and control their own eyes. HOWEVER, that does not give you an excuse to dress in a sleazy way, because you shouldn't make it harder for people to control their eyes than it already is. I say this as a male. It's already hard enough for men to keep their eyes from roaming when a woman is completely decent. So I don't think it's thoughtful when women dress in a way that provokes a reaction from men. And I'm not excusing men by saying that! I'm not ignoring the fact that men should respect women by controlling their eyes and that is THEIR responsibility. All I'm saying is that women should not wear something that exposes too much of themselves, because it makes it harder on the men. We should help each other with our struggles. Not make it more difficult on each other.
My Mom has recently told me that "there should be a standard of modesty for each household and for each person. Everybody has to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and draw lines for themselves about what is decent to wear." In my household while I was growing up, I was taught that two-piece bathing suits were immodest. I know people who were OK with those though too. Different people set different boundaries. We all have to set our own boundaries when it comes to V-necks, tank-tops, tutus, crop-tops, spaghetti straps, low cut shirts, and high cut shorts. And on top of that, you often have to judge each piece of clothing individually instead of saying, "All tank-tops are indecent." I have a sister. She might show me two tank-tops and I think one is OK and the other is immodest, even though they're both tanks. One litmus test that I have to determine the modesty of clothing is to see how much skin is showing. Women's low cut shirts and high cut jeans often come across to me as immodest even if they're not very tight, simply because of how much skin is visible. Visible underwear often strikes me as indecent too. With certain outfits, I think spaghetti straps can be OK, but when it comes to boxers, briefs, and bottoms, I don't think those should be visible. Guys should wear a belt if they can't keep their pants up. Haha. When it comes to women's bathing suits, every single one is different, but anything that shows your belly is often a thumbs down for me. I think even some suits that show your back are a little too much depending on how much of your back they show. Crop-tops in my opinion are also too exposing.However, I do think form-fitting clothing is totally OK. I think girls should definitely be able to wear tight clothes to show that they're healthy and attractive and I think guys should totally be able to wear shirts that make their muscles look defined. Too much visible skin is really the only main thing that I consider immodest. I think form-fitted and skin-tight clothes are totally decent. As long as the body is actually INSIDE the clothes I'm personally OK. But that's just the boundaries that I've set for me. It's important that we know what we think is decent, and what our friends think is decent. That way, we can protect and respect each other.
Immodesty is not thoughtful of others.
But what exactly is wrong about immodesty? To me, the number one thing that makes immodesty harmful is that it has no thoughtfulness for others. Immodesty sometimes has an underlying attitude that says, "There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and how I dress. It's your 'responsibility' to keep your eyes and your thoughts in check. Not mine. I should be able to wear whatever I want to." To say that how you dress shouldn't effect others really shows a lack of understanding and thoughtfulness. Yes. Of course it's true that ultimately, it is each persons job to manage and control their own desires and control their own eyes. HOWEVER, that does not give you an excuse to dress in a sleazy way, because you shouldn't make it harder for people to control their eyes than it already is. I say this as a male. It's already hard enough for men to keep their eyes from roaming when a woman is completely decent. So I don't think it's thoughtful when women dress in a way that provokes a reaction from men. And I'm not excusing men by saying that! I'm not ignoring the fact that men should respect women by controlling their eyes and that is THEIR responsibility. All I'm saying is that women should not wear something that exposes too much of themselves, because it makes it harder on the men. We should help each other with our struggles. Not make it more difficult on each other.
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