Let me ask you a question. When something is ignored absolutely and completely within the home, how does the mind of a child label that something? How does silence about sexuality affect a child's view of it for the rest of their life on this earth? These are questions that parents should ask themselves when it comes to sexually educating their children. The truth of the matter is, sex has become a taboo subject in our culture that is either (a) not talked about, or (b) portrayed in a horribly incorrect way. Both of those options are very detrimental to the course of a child's life.
Many parents think that by sheltering their children from sexual knowledge, they are "protecting" them. Parents often think that their children need no sexual education because "they're too young for that right now." Parents also might think that avoiding the subject of sexuality prevents their children from being overexposed, traumatized, or drawn into a promiscuous lifestyle. I admire the intention of parents to protect their children. However, by neglecting to sexually educate your children when they're young and moldable, you might be doing just the opposite.
I was listening to a few podcasts the other day and they had such wise insight about this subject that I will attach a link to them at the bottom of this post. (In this post, I write about a lot of the subjects they cover in the podcasts and I highly recommend them to parents of young and old children.) In one of the podcasts, children of both genders are interviewed and simply asked what they know and think about sex. Most of the girls knew nothing whatsoever, and one of the 11-year-old boys thought it was "gross and inappropriate." When asked where he heard about it, he responded that his parents never talked about it, and he got his primary definition of sex from his friends at school. Just think about that for one second. First of all, we're letting our kids get their definition of sex from elementary/middle-school kids who haven't even hit puberty. Secondly, something that God designed is being considered "gross and inappropriate" by at least some (if not most) children. Why? Because, as parents, when you shroud something in mystery, silence, innuendos, and half-truths, children automatically label that something as bad.
And it doesn't stop there. Some parents think, "Well, sure my kids might think sex is gross now, but when they grow up and get married they'll grow out of it. I won't give them any sexual education now and they'll just figure it out on their honeymoon." Do you expect your kids to just "figure out" how to tie their shoes? Do you expect your kids to just "figure out" how to drive? No. You give them instruction. Yet often, parents give their kids no training, instruction, or even knowledge when it comes to sexuality. Let me give you a piece of information that might alarm you. Later in the same podcast I mentioned, a previous homeschooler in her late 20's is interviewed about sex. She's been married for several years. Wanna guess how she felt about sex? She used almost the exact same words to describe it as the 11-year-old boy. She said sex felt "Gross and wrong. It doesn't feel like it's something appropriate." When addressing the difficulty of discussing sexuality, she said, "I always think my mom is like, gonna knock on the door." She's a married adult in her late 20's, and is STILL struggling with an unhealthy view of sexuality. Why? Because when children receive no sexual instruction from their parents and sexuality is not openly discussed in the home as they grow up, there are many walls that they have to overcome in regard to sexuality once they grow up and get married.
And I get it. Parents don't ever want to say something to their children that will harm them or cause them any remote degree of trauma. That is completely wise and true! Children should be treated with extreme gentleness and sensitivity. I'm not saying that you should freak your kids out and shower them with gory details! All I'm saying is that children should be raised in an open way that doesn't mystify or avoid sexuality. In reality, children's trauma often comes when parents DON'T sufficiently prepare their children when it comes to bodily function. Girls think they're dying when they start their period and boys think they're either terminally ill, or wetting the bed when they wake up in the morning with sperm in their PJ's. While your children are young, if sexuality is discussed openly and treated as a normal need and function of the body, (such as how the digestive system works) your children will not grow up and be traumatized by the mere mention of sex, nor will they think sex is bad, nor will they think they're growing cancer when they hit adolescence. On top of this, children are going to get their sexual education somewhere. Movies, TV, the Internet, pornography, and masturbation are often where kids get their sexual education. Instead of letting them discover sexuality in those flawed and incomplete portrayals, parents should be the ones to bring knowledge and complete truth into their child's heart.
I'll end with a quote from Dr. Tina in the podcast I will include at the bottom of this post. "When we raise children to be so afraid of themselves and so filled with shame, such that they come to their marriage, virgin or not, and then spend the first decade of their marriage with incredible sexual disfunction, we have not done it well."
http://jeffersonbethke.libsyn.com/podcast/dont-turn-the-lights-on-anatomy-of-marriage-miniseries-episode-7
http://jeffersonbethke.libsyn.com/podcast/its-really-complicated-anatomy-of-marriage-miniseries-bonus-episode
Many parents think that by sheltering their children from sexual knowledge, they are "protecting" them. Parents often think that their children need no sexual education because "they're too young for that right now." Parents also might think that avoiding the subject of sexuality prevents their children from being overexposed, traumatized, or drawn into a promiscuous lifestyle. I admire the intention of parents to protect their children. However, by neglecting to sexually educate your children when they're young and moldable, you might be doing just the opposite.
I was listening to a few podcasts the other day and they had such wise insight about this subject that I will attach a link to them at the bottom of this post. (In this post, I write about a lot of the subjects they cover in the podcasts and I highly recommend them to parents of young and old children.) In one of the podcasts, children of both genders are interviewed and simply asked what they know and think about sex. Most of the girls knew nothing whatsoever, and one of the 11-year-old boys thought it was "gross and inappropriate." When asked where he heard about it, he responded that his parents never talked about it, and he got his primary definition of sex from his friends at school. Just think about that for one second. First of all, we're letting our kids get their definition of sex from elementary/middle-school kids who haven't even hit puberty. Secondly, something that God designed is being considered "gross and inappropriate" by at least some (if not most) children. Why? Because, as parents, when you shroud something in mystery, silence, innuendos, and half-truths, children automatically label that something as bad.
And it doesn't stop there. Some parents think, "Well, sure my kids might think sex is gross now, but when they grow up and get married they'll grow out of it. I won't give them any sexual education now and they'll just figure it out on their honeymoon." Do you expect your kids to just "figure out" how to tie their shoes? Do you expect your kids to just "figure out" how to drive? No. You give them instruction. Yet often, parents give their kids no training, instruction, or even knowledge when it comes to sexuality. Let me give you a piece of information that might alarm you. Later in the same podcast I mentioned, a previous homeschooler in her late 20's is interviewed about sex. She's been married for several years. Wanna guess how she felt about sex? She used almost the exact same words to describe it as the 11-year-old boy. She said sex felt "Gross and wrong. It doesn't feel like it's something appropriate." When addressing the difficulty of discussing sexuality, she said, "I always think my mom is like, gonna knock on the door." She's a married adult in her late 20's, and is STILL struggling with an unhealthy view of sexuality. Why? Because when children receive no sexual instruction from their parents and sexuality is not openly discussed in the home as they grow up, there are many walls that they have to overcome in regard to sexuality once they grow up and get married.
And I get it. Parents don't ever want to say something to their children that will harm them or cause them any remote degree of trauma. That is completely wise and true! Children should be treated with extreme gentleness and sensitivity. I'm not saying that you should freak your kids out and shower them with gory details! All I'm saying is that children should be raised in an open way that doesn't mystify or avoid sexuality. In reality, children's trauma often comes when parents DON'T sufficiently prepare their children when it comes to bodily function. Girls think they're dying when they start their period and boys think they're either terminally ill, or wetting the bed when they wake up in the morning with sperm in their PJ's. While your children are young, if sexuality is discussed openly and treated as a normal need and function of the body, (such as how the digestive system works) your children will not grow up and be traumatized by the mere mention of sex, nor will they think sex is bad, nor will they think they're growing cancer when they hit adolescence. On top of this, children are going to get their sexual education somewhere. Movies, TV, the Internet, pornography, and masturbation are often where kids get their sexual education. Instead of letting them discover sexuality in those flawed and incomplete portrayals, parents should be the ones to bring knowledge and complete truth into their child's heart.
I'll end with a quote from Dr. Tina in the podcast I will include at the bottom of this post. "When we raise children to be so afraid of themselves and so filled with shame, such that they come to their marriage, virgin or not, and then spend the first decade of their marriage with incredible sexual disfunction, we have not done it well."
http://jeffersonbethke.libsyn.com/podcast/dont-turn-the-lights-on-anatomy-of-marriage-miniseries-episode-7
http://jeffersonbethke.libsyn.com/podcast/its-really-complicated-anatomy-of-marriage-miniseries-bonus-episode
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