So often in our culture, young people are inadvertently taught to engage in courtships and marriages, without having the proper preparation and knowledge. Somewhere along the way, society has unintentionally begun to under-emphasize marriage and courtship preparation. While we have a plethora of requirements for young people to meet before they get married, I'd like to suggest to you that we're not only creating the wrong criteria for marriage, but we're under-preparing young people for what marriage really is.
Today's society determines whether or not a young person is "ready for marriage" based on his or her social status, job outlook, age, education, and financial standing. It might shock you to learn that NONE of those things directly prepare young people for marriage. Society says, "Look at these fine marriage-ready specimens we've produced! According to the standards of their Facebook and church friends, they're living stable lives, they've gotten their education, and they have a glittering career of financial stability before them! They're at the 'prime' 22-year-old age mark, therefore, they're ready for marriage and they should find someone to court and marry." Are they? Should they? Society, you've just shown me how your "marriage specimens" are prepared to succeed in the world, but you haven't shown me one scrap of evidence that suggests to me that they will succeed in the Home.
You see, money is great! An upstanding social life is great! Beautiful aesthetics are great! Everything society looks for in potential courtship partners is great! But those are really only small parts of marriage and courtship. Money doesn't make a healthy marriage. A smiling Instagram profile doesn't make a healthy courtship. Even age itself is no indicator of being ready for marriage OR courtship. It may shock you, but there are 35-year-olds who aren't ready to be in a courtship and there are 16-year-olds who are, because genuine maturity has less to do with age than it does with a person's desire for Truth. Genuine marriage and courtship preparation has less to do with society's definition of readiness, and more to do with the level of wisdom a person has searched out.
What Is Genuine Marriage And Courtship Preparation?
"So Seth, if marriage and courtship preparation isn't social grace, age, money, and education, what is it?" I'm so glad you asked. How about, instead of looking at external criteria to determine a young person's readiness for courtship, we look at his or her heart. How close is the young person to Jesus? How much is he or she seeking Truth and wisdom? How well-versed is he or she in conflict-resolution, communication skills, respect, compromise, and self-control? A lot of young people painstakingly wonder in endless loops if they're "ready" for courtship or not, but really the answer is quite simple. You are ready to court when you are able to define a goal for your courtship and aim towards it with intentionality and commitment. Myles Munroe puts it perfectly: "When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable." It is critical for young people today, regardless of their age, to have a clearly defined purpose before they enter a courtship or marriage, instead of entering into such a relationship simply because they have met the "courtship/marriage readiness" standard of society. Just because social structure says you're ready to court doesn't mean you are, and just because social structure says you're not ready to court doesn't mean you aren't.
In summary, oftentimes the social structure of today determines a young person's readiness to be in a courtship based on that young person's external appearances and achievements, such as: age, education, and money. Then society turns around and wonders why the divorce rate is so high. Young people need to be trained in relationship using the right preparation; not criteria that assumes a person's age and accomplishment is directly linked to his or her maturity. Young people need to be taught how to define their goals in courtships and marriages and aim towards them with intentionality. Young people, if you aren't passionate about courting someone and you don't really care if your courtship succeeds, courting is NOT for you. Don't do it just because society expects you to be married. Marriage and courtship are incredible opportunities to grow with God and your partner, but they can become painful waters if young people flippantly skip from person to person and relationship to relationship, without taking the time to care, aim, and prepare. When young people are taught how to properly prepare for courtships and marriages and exposed to opportunities where they can practice their relationship skills, society will begin to see more people hit the mark of success in their courtships and marriages.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViuAblc-M0g&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR1rjsMiaM9saJQk0CVhdhCf1nOKjc2hWmKkZJS9sHcDMlZPWi-622aIE7o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SbbseLa8kQ&index=3&list=PLhYvOKkFVSGt1Impq3TEBxrSpw3rbdbz6
https://www.lovingonpurpose.com/
Seth this is such a great post!!! I think you had given a statistic before about how many hours people spend being educated for career success vs. marriage success. I like this one too, I have heard that doctors spend 7 to 10 years in training but only 3 days or 3 hours on nutrition, something like that, but any great marriage is a Grace of God even with good hearts and minds.
ReplyDeleteYES! It honestly shocks me how much we prepare for success in our career, but spend little to no time preparing for our relationships! And then we expect young people's marriages to succeed despite the lack of preparation. It's so important.
DeleteI've never heard that example about the medical field, but I'm honestly not surprised. It's really the same lack of preparation coming up in a different area. But we're going to change that pattern in society. I'm gonna be prepared. :)