The "One" God Has For You

"The ONE"

We've all had history lessons. We all know of the not-so-distant time in human history (especially among royalty) when young people married apart from their choice (and often against their inclination) simply in order to gain something. From British Television shows to Jane Austen novels, we've all seen the supposedly outdated tradition of arranged marriages. The entire christian population of today's world would unanimously shout with a unified voice that arranged marriages are quite barbaric and that no man or woman should be forced or spurred to marry someone outside of his or her wish, no matter what was to be gained. Yet what if I told you that we inadvertently accuse God of being a fixer of arranged marriages without even knowing it?

I'm currently watching a Masterpiece Theatre PBS show called "Victoria." What I am shocked to find is that, in the show, at the time of her singleness, not a single person in the life of Queen Victoria expressed any desire for her to marry someone she was drawn to, interested in, or even cared for. Every single elder in her life urged her to marry for position, power, or material gain. All forthcoming council given to her stated that she must marry someone "beneficial" for her in the area of church denomination and royal blood, because such a "ONE" was "in her best interest." While we might recognize that thinking as flawed now, we're really not acting like it. Might I suggest to you that, as a young person, whenever you say a potential spouse is "the One God has for you," you're inadvertently suggesting that God is just like the match-making elders in the life of Queen Victoria.

You see, when it comes right down to it, there's something God will never do. God will NEVER, EVER take your free will or make a choice for you. He's never made a choice for a single person in the history of humanity, and He will never do so, because forcefulness is not the character of love, and therefore, it is not the character of God. Yet you say without a second thought that "God has someONE out there for me," as if there is a specific person God has destined you to marry. But that's simply not the case. God does NOT choose your spouse for you. (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhYvOKkFVSGt1Impq3TEBxrSpw3rbdbz6) See, the truth is, a person is not "the One" for you until you marry them, and the person you marry becomes the "One" regardless of who they are. God is not a puppeteer when it comes to matrimony or anything else.

At this point, I should clarify that I AM NOT saying it would be wise to marry anyone under the sun! It would not be wise to marry someone who doesn't love Jesus (for obvious reasons). All I'm saying is that if a person loves Jesus with all their heart, you can marry that person without having to be concerned that you will miss the "One" God has for you. In other words, God hasn't "picked" a specific person out there for you that you have to marry in order to remain in His will. The lover of Jesus that you marry, no matter who it is, becomes "the One God has for you" the second that you say your vows, and God gives His most earnest blessing to any marriage that relies on Him as the source, without regard to the "compatibility" of the partners in it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfAzt7UKvlk)


Why Does This Matter?

Other than the fact that that it automatically makes God a fixer of arranged marriages and the puppeteer of choice, the saying that "the One God has for you is out there" causes all kinds of other issues. For example:

1. If there really is a "One" out there for you as a single young person, then every young single who gets married is completely within logic to justify their divorce with the excuse of saying, "He/she just wasn't the One."

2. If there is only one person out there for each young person to marry while remaining in God's will, think about what would happen if someone got it wrong 2,000 years ago! If just ONE person in the history of humanity married the "wrong" person, nobody would ever be able to marry his or her God-destined "One" after that. 2,000 years ago, if Alexander married Rachel but his "One" was Leia, Leia will be forced to marry someone who wasn't her "One," and from then on, everybody would get it wrong. In short, the teaching that God has destined a specific "One" for everybody that they have to find in order to remain in His will just doesn't hold water. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERIOlDTk2M&t=115s)

3. By believing that there is a "One" person out there for them, young people often begin to unintentionally approach marriage from the wrong angle. If there's a "One" person out there that is designed for them, young people often begin to form the idea that their "One" has things that will benefit them spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even materially. While that may seem fine and even wise, it's really a flawed way of thinking, because it causes young people to approach marriage from the mentality of "What can I get?" instead of "What can I give?" When young people believe there's someone special out there destined to gallop into their lives, they begin internalizing the question, "What does this person have spiritually that's good for me?" But in reality, they should also be asking, "What do I have that I can give this person?"

In summary, I genuinely admire the motive behind the teaching that there's a "One" out there for every young person! The "One" teaching is designed as an attempt to prevent young people from marrying jerks. I appreciate that pure and wise motive. However, I've also seen young people, myself included, take it to an extreme that may cause us to pass up amazing marriage partners out of fear that we are "missing God's will for our life." It's time that fear paralyzed young people no more.

Sources:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERIOlDTk2M&t=115s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfAzt7UKvlk

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhYvOKkFVSGt1Impq3TEBxrSpw3rbdbz6