Today, I'm going to point out two interlocking issues that I sometimes see happening in the way humanity approaches social life: Commodification and Objectification.
Commodification:
What exactly is "commodification?" The definition of commodification is: "The action or process of treating something as a mere commodity."
However, I'm going to broaden that definition a wee bit. Commodification is anytime you approach something (or someone) with a consumer-mentality being foremost in your mind. In other words, commodification is essentially asking yourself, "What can I get out of this product? How can it benefit me?" As a customer in a store, there's nothing wrong with this approach! However, what if I suggested that many people actually unwittingly take the approach of commodification out of the business world (where it belongs) and bring it with them into the world of relationship?
When people are shopping for coffee, they browse through a store looking for a product that catches their eye. Which coffee catches their eye? The one they believe will give them the most. What catches the eye of a customer in a grocery store? The item the customer believes will benefit him or her the most.
You might wonder what's wrong with this approach when it comes to relationship. After all, shouldn't you choose your friends, spouse, and inner-circle based on their good qualities; qualities that will benefit you?...Not really. You see, as a culture, when we consider any kind of relationship, we ask the wrong questions. We ask, "What does this person have that I don't? What can this person teach me? What can this person reveal to me about the Heart of God?" Though those questions may be valid, the truth is, people often ask them from the wrong perspective. We should instead ask: "What do I have that I can give this person? What can I teach this person? What can I reveal to this person about the Heart of God?" Essentially, instead of approaching relationships from the mindset of "What can I get?", we should enter them asking, "What can I give?" While you do receive a vast amount of benefit from relationship, relationships are also about pouring into other people. When the furtherance of your life becomes the ultimate goal of all your human connections, relationship just turns into a bunch of people using each other to better themselves.
Objectification:
If the tendency to approach relationships as commodities is not regulated, what begins to happen is other people begin to seem like nothing more than products; objects that can be purchased for the sole purpose of instilling you with benefits. "I've got that Seth, but I'm having a hard time imagining any situations where objectification is actually an issue in society." Let me give you an example: pornography. According to Jefferson Bethke, one of my favorite writers of all time, "The problem with porn is it has completely commoditized sex. Sex is no longer something sacred, it's simply a consumer good. We've made an orgasm something you can buy online, usually at a woman's expense." Believe it or not, that's the biggest issue with porn; not the exposure of bodies. It's the fact that moneymakers take living, breathing children of God, men and women, and reduce them to nothing more than attractive corpses, basically removing every element of their being except for their physicality. Today's business society is actually sick enough to make a profit off of the dehumanization of souls, animalizing people into 2-D objects with no rights of privacy or sacredness. If that's not objectification, I don't know what is.
The sayings that society has today can also lead to objectification. Think about what children are told when it comes to finding a spouse: "One day you'll meet someone who will be perfect for you and fill you with happiness." While this is true and amazing, if we're not careful, that saying can lead children to formulate ideas that marriage is about gaining instead of giving. The epitome of a dysfunctional match is when children grow up and approach marriage and sex with the mentality of: "What can you give me?" Even lingo used in everyday talk portrays our commodificational mindset. How many of you have heard advice that pretty much says, "If those friends aren't benefiting you anymore, move on." Such "wisdom" reeks of a commodificational mindset. Sayings like, "She's hot," "He's rich," and even, "She's spiritually mature" can all reflect a mentality that we are more concerned about what we can get from relationship than what we can give in it. Relationships are about both receiving and giving. It is vital that people today come to the realization that relationship is not solely about what you gain. It's about what you give others. That, and only that, leads to genuine and lasting joy in marriages and friendships.
Sources:
"Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God's Better Way For Love, Dating, Marriage, and Sex" by Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke
Commodification:What exactly is "commodification?" The definition of commodification is: "The action or process of treating something as a mere commodity."
However, I'm going to broaden that definition a wee bit. Commodification is anytime you approach something (or someone) with a consumer-mentality being foremost in your mind. In other words, commodification is essentially asking yourself, "What can I get out of this product? How can it benefit me?" As a customer in a store, there's nothing wrong with this approach! However, what if I suggested that many people actually unwittingly take the approach of commodification out of the business world (where it belongs) and bring it with them into the world of relationship?
You might wonder what's wrong with this approach when it comes to relationship. After all, shouldn't you choose your friends, spouse, and inner-circle based on their good qualities; qualities that will benefit you?...Not really. You see, as a culture, when we consider any kind of relationship, we ask the wrong questions. We ask, "What does this person have that I don't? What can this person teach me? What can this person reveal to me about the Heart of God?" Though those questions may be valid, the truth is, people often ask them from the wrong perspective. We should instead ask: "What do I have that I can give this person? What can I teach this person? What can I reveal to this person about the Heart of God?" Essentially, instead of approaching relationships from the mindset of "What can I get?", we should enter them asking, "What can I give?" While you do receive a vast amount of benefit from relationship, relationships are also about pouring into other people. When the furtherance of your life becomes the ultimate goal of all your human connections, relationship just turns into a bunch of people using each other to better themselves.
Objectification:
The sayings that society has today can also lead to objectification. Think about what children are told when it comes to finding a spouse: "One day you'll meet someone who will be perfect for you and fill you with happiness." While this is true and amazing, if we're not careful, that saying can lead children to formulate ideas that marriage is about gaining instead of giving. The epitome of a dysfunctional match is when children grow up and approach marriage and sex with the mentality of: "What can you give me?" Even lingo used in everyday talk portrays our commodificational mindset. How many of you have heard advice that pretty much says, "If those friends aren't benefiting you anymore, move on." Such "wisdom" reeks of a commodificational mindset. Sayings like, "She's hot," "He's rich," and even, "She's spiritually mature" can all reflect a mentality that we are more concerned about what we can get from relationship than what we can give in it. Relationships are about both receiving and giving. It is vital that people today come to the realization that relationship is not solely about what you gain. It's about what you give others. That, and only that, leads to genuine and lasting joy in marriages and friendships.
Sources:
"Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God's Better Way For Love, Dating, Marriage, and Sex" by Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke
So true!!! Very well-said, Seth.
ReplyDelete