Redeeming the Family Model and Strengthening Community Amidst a Pandemic of Loneliness and a Culture of Individualism: Part II
In part I of this article, I discussed cultural ideologies and issues that undermine the family in today's culture. In this post, part II, I will discuss several steps that can be taken with intentionality in order to reprioritize and defend the family unit.
People might wonder how to prioritize and improve the Family Model when we live in a culture where work and vocation demand so much of our time. While it may be difficult, I would argue that it is absolutely possible. It just might require more intentionality in today's culture than it once did. There are many things families, marriages, and communities can do in order to prioritize their connection and sharpen their relationship.
People might wonder how to prioritize and improve the Family Model when we live in a culture where work and vocation demand so much of our time. While it may be difficult, I would argue that it is absolutely possible. It just might require more intentionality in today's culture than it once did. There are many things families, marriages, and communities can do in order to prioritize their connection and sharpen their relationship.
1. Consider alternatives and changes:
Make every effort to create space for every opportunity that could build your family. Be open to drastic change. If possible for you, consider homeschooling, working from home, dropping extracurricular activities, pursuing careers which provide an income capable of supporting a family without demanding too much time, etc. Consider and evaluate the possibility of whatever drastic action you feel is necessary in order to prioritize connection in your relationships.
2. Be intentional with the time that you have:
Take the family time that you do have and maximize what happens in that time. Parents who must work long hours to support their children can still be heavily involved in family-life during the free-time that they have. Children who are locked into the educational system for most of the day can still have bonding time with their family after school. Couples who work at separate institutions still have the opportunity to reconvene and bond with one another in the evenings. Maximize that time.
3. Craft rhythms and traditions specifically designed to bond and strengthen community:
Rather than engage in a plethora of individual activities during recreational free time, create opportunities for family-centered entertainment and quality time. Eat at the same table at the same time with your family/spouse/community. There is something indescribable about eating a meal together, satisfying a basic human need that you can't escape. Think of all the times in scripture where Jesus ate a meal with people. On the road to Emmaus, Jesus goes out of His was way to stop and commune through a meal with two men, and it's at the moment where bread was broken that they recognize Him for who he truly is (Luke 24:13-35). My point is that, at the table, you're going to see a part of God's heart that you won't see anywhere else (https://gracecultureashland.podbean.com/e/redeeming-the-family-model-with-seth-hensley/). Anything that Jesus did during His time on this earth should be modeled by ourselves, and, to use the words of one author, "[Jesus] was a specialist in eating in other people's homes" (Insurgence: Reclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom, Viola). Follow the example of Jesus and take advantage of mealtimes as a bonding opportunity for your families, marriages, and communities.
4. Schedule frequent events for your family to build relationships with others.
Many couples and families across the nation who have the means to do so have held onto the family tradition of an annual vacation. This is a very honorable and critical reservation to make for the family. Field trips, short or long, are another way to present your family with a shared experience designed to strengthen familial connection.
Perhaps one of the most foundational concepts necessary for the creation of thriving families and relationships is the understanding of what one speaker refers to as "Rings of Intimacy." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3l3ST7z7ps).
In today's culture, especially with the exponential growth of technology, people have more access to your time and energy than you might realize. Even if you're a fairly reclusive person and don't have many friends, I would venture to guess that hundreds of people have access to your time and energy through social media, smart phone, and email. With a quick message, dial, or, in some cases, the mere touch of a virtual button, just about anybody can enter your life and gain access to a certain degree of your time and thought. (https://medium.com/w-i-t/ways-social-media-has-changed-our-society-38fd4d3e5ce8 https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/articles/internet-changed-everyday-life/).
Now, as an avid practitioner and promoter of relationship and community, I'm the last person to argue that this hyperconnectivity has no beneficial purpose. I'm simply arguing that, because of the high level of accessibility we subject ourselves to through phones, social media, the internet, and life in a world of people, it becomes especially important for us to know how to manage our most valuable resource: our "Yes." Encapsulated within our "Yes" lies every treasure of our soul—our heart, our time, our energy, our attention, and our thought. What you give your "Yes" to, reflects what you value. In the words of Jesus, "For where your [thésauros] is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21, BSB). If the world has the same access to your "Yes" that your family does, don't expect to have a good family. If your job has the same access to your "Yes" that your marriage does, don't expect a warm marriage.
Whether you realize it or not, every action you take is a "Yes" to something, and every "Yes" is a thousand "No's." To quote Steve Jobs:
Rather than engage in a plethora of individual activities during recreational free time, create opportunities for family-centered entertainment and quality time. Eat at the same table at the same time with your family/spouse/community. There is something indescribable about eating a meal together, satisfying a basic human need that you can't escape. Think of all the times in scripture where Jesus ate a meal with people. On the road to Emmaus, Jesus goes out of His was way to stop and commune through a meal with two men, and it's at the moment where bread was broken that they recognize Him for who he truly is (Luke 24:13-35). My point is that, at the table, you're going to see a part of God's heart that you won't see anywhere else (https://gracecultureashland.podbean.com/e/redeeming-the-family-model-with-seth-hensley/). Anything that Jesus did during His time on this earth should be modeled by ourselves, and, to use the words of one author, "[Jesus] was a specialist in eating in other people's homes" (Insurgence: Reclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom, Viola). Follow the example of Jesus and take advantage of mealtimes as a bonding opportunity for your families, marriages, and communities.
4. Schedule frequent events for your family to build relationships with others.
Many couples and families across the nation who have the means to do so have held onto the family tradition of an annual vacation. This is a very honorable and critical reservation to make for the family. Field trips, short or long, are another way to present your family with a shared experience designed to strengthen familial connection.
5. Manage your "Yes."
Perhaps one of the most foundational concepts necessary for the creation of thriving families and relationships is the understanding of what one speaker refers to as "Rings of Intimacy." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3l3ST7z7ps).
In today's culture, especially with the exponential growth of technology, people have more access to your time and energy than you might realize. Even if you're a fairly reclusive person and don't have many friends, I would venture to guess that hundreds of people have access to your time and energy through social media, smart phone, and email. With a quick message, dial, or, in some cases, the mere touch of a virtual button, just about anybody can enter your life and gain access to a certain degree of your time and thought. (https://medium.com/w-i-t/ways-social-media-has-changed-our-society-38fd4d3e5ce8 https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/articles/internet-changed-everyday-life/).
Now, as an avid practitioner and promoter of relationship and community, I'm the last person to argue that this hyperconnectivity has no beneficial purpose. I'm simply arguing that, because of the high level of accessibility we subject ourselves to through phones, social media, the internet, and life in a world of people, it becomes especially important for us to know how to manage our most valuable resource: our "Yes." Encapsulated within our "Yes" lies every treasure of our soul—our heart, our time, our energy, our attention, and our thought. What you give your "Yes" to, reflects what you value. In the words of Jesus, "For where your [thésauros] is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21, BSB). If the world has the same access to your "Yes" that your family does, don't expect to have a good family. If your job has the same access to your "Yes" that your marriage does, don't expect a warm marriage.
Whether you realize it or not, every action you take is a "Yes" to something, and every "Yes" is a thousand "No's." To quote Steve Jobs:
People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.What if the poor distribution of our "Yes" is the only thing keeping us from the homeliest hearth of a strong family and the softest caress of a warm marriage? What if saying no to a neighbor's invitation to dinner on your wedding anniversary is the right decision? What if saying no to a workplace convention on your daughter's birthday is giving your "Yes" to what really matters? What if saying no to a lime-lit career as CEO of a large corporation to raise children is actually a desirable trade? What if enrolling in a local college rather than moving across country for a full-ride to Harvard is actually honorable? What if saying no to your pastor in order to spend more time with your hungry wife is living a life of conviction? What if the failure of the modern western family can be largely encapsulated in two words:
Misplaced Priorities.
Because saying that you love everyone equally is just a nice way of saying there is nobody special to you in the whole world.
While it might initially seem fair, treating everyone equally communicates a lack of value to the people who love you the most.
While it might initially seem fair, treating everyone equally communicates a lack of value to the people who love you the most.
6. Restore the father to the home.
For whatever reason, the role of Bread-winning is considered to be more desireable than the role of Homemaking in today's society. For many families, this misconception on the part of mainstream culture has caused marital tension over who "gets to pursue a career" rather than stay home. While there are harmful feministic ideologies that push for women to be "liberated" from the home as if it were an evil, I would argue that a large percentage of our culture's negative view of homemaking comes from poor fatherhood. Many men have historically and notoriously fled the scene of the home whilst shout excuses about being relationally ignorant and emotionally unintelligent to appease their conscience. To any bystander, based on their actions, the home would often be labeled a burden rather than a treasure. (https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-m4uuw-8a779ee?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share).
The remedy to the poor concept of home that our culture has adopted is for fathers to begin proactively seeking ways to be involved in the family and home, rather than being stereotypically distant and emotionally, mentally, and physically uninvolved. (https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-kzf7z-8977895?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share). Sharpening and practicing good fatherhood skills will renew the concept of homemaking and simultaneously repair the family meltdowns and crime rates which have been linked to fatherless homes (http://fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/).
In the 1800s, there was once a man, an inventor, who was and is considered to be one of the most successful, influential men of all time. When questioned by writer Orison Marden concerning the key to his "untiring energy and phenomenal endurance," the man's response indicated that he had worked for an average of 20 hours per day for the past 15 years. This living factory would even joke that, though he was only 47 years old, he was really more like 82 if you considered how many 8-hour days he worked under his gruesome schedule.
He valued productivity and industrialism to such an extent that he made it one of his many lifegoals to get rid of the one thing which stood between himself and an even greater ROI: sleep.
He hated sleep and the limitation it entailed, referring to it as, "heritage from our cave days." Naturally, following the groove of his thought, his inventions modeled this belief and, in 1879, he created the lightbulb—an invention which, according to one author, "helped him cheat [sleep]" (To Hell with the Hustle, pg. 53).
As you might now realize, this man was Thomas Edison.
You might wonder why I brought this up. What does the lightbulb have to do with preserving and protecting the place of the family in our lives? My point is that spending 20 hours per day working inevitably pushes healthy relationship to the backburner. During the time Edison did this, he had a wife and family (The Keys to Fruitfulness, Babers, Charles pg. 26). Unsurprisingly, according to one source, Edison "often neglected his family" throughout his life.(https://www.biography.com/inventor/thomas-edison). Edison's spirit of industrialism, if not kept in check, will kill marriages, families, and communities quicker than nearly anything else by demanding so much of the individual's "Yes" that meaningful relational exchange, in any form, becomes impossible.
Bill Gates, a modern-day giant of the business world, demonstrates this principle beautifully in his last blog post of 2018. Gates wrote that, in his twenties, the questions he asked himself revolved solely around how to better his business and improve Microsoft. At age 63, Gates wrote that he also asked himself other questions: "Did I devote enough time to my family?...Did I develop new friendships and deepen old ones?" (https://www.gatesnotes.com/About-Bill-Gates/Year-in-Review-2018).
Simply put, I'm suggesting that we reject the workaholic ideologies of Edison and ask ourselves the questions that Gates put to himself. When an opportunity comes knocking which promises the advancement of personal success—or even great breakthrough—at the cost of family and community, look it in the eye, and say, "No." When your work begins to push you towards longer hours that you believe will damage your familial connection, say, "No." When the flashing lights of entertainment begin to blind you to the presence of your family, say, "No." When school begins encroaching into family time, say, "No." Just say, "No." You have the power to do that.
Bill Gates, a modern-day giant of the business world, demonstrates this principle beautifully in his last blog post of 2018. Gates wrote that, in his twenties, the questions he asked himself revolved solely around how to better his business and improve Microsoft. At age 63, Gates wrote that he also asked himself other questions: "Did I devote enough time to my family?...Did I develop new friendships and deepen old ones?" (https://www.gatesnotes.com/About-Bill-Gates/Year-in-Review-2018).
Simply put, I'm suggesting that we reject the workaholic ideologies of Edison and ask ourselves the questions that Gates put to himself. When an opportunity comes knocking which promises the advancement of personal success—or even great breakthrough—at the cost of family and community, look it in the eye, and say, "No." When your work begins to push you towards longer hours that you believe will damage your familial connection, say, "No." When the flashing lights of entertainment begin to blind you to the presence of your family, say, "No." When school begins encroaching into family time, say, "No." Just say, "No." You have the power to do that.
To the degree that community is prioritized, the glorious organisms called marriage and family will prevail against the industrial ideologies and career-centered paradigms which would seek to leave us lonely and robed of all humanness.
Sources:
1. Luke 24:13-35
2. Insurgence: Reclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom (Viola, Frank)
3. https://gracecultureashland.podbean.com/e/redeeming-the-family-model-with-seth-hensley/
2. Insurgence: Reclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom (Viola, Frank)
3. https://gracecultureashland.podbean.com/e/redeeming-the-family-model-with-seth-hensley/
4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3l3ST7z7ps
5. https://medium.com/w-i-t/ways-social-media-has-changed-our-society-38fd4d3e5ce8
6. https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/articles/internet-changed-everyday-life/
7. Matt. 6:21, BSB
8. https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-m4uuw-8a779ee?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share
9. https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-kzf7z-8977895?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share
10. http://fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/
11. To Hell with the Hustle (Bethke, Jefferson)
12. The Keys to Fruitfulness (Babers, Charles)
13. https://www.biography.com/inventor/thomas-edison
14. https://www.gatesnotes.com/About-Bill-Gates/Year-in-Review-2018
15. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQeXsqCsbCY
16. Illustrations/Images: Kevin Carden Photography, the Heart of Man Film
17. https://loplifeacademy.com/
5. https://medium.com/w-i-t/ways-social-media-has-changed-our-society-38fd4d3e5ce8
6. https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/articles/internet-changed-everyday-life/
7. Matt. 6:21, BSB
8. https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-m4uuw-8a779ee?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share
9. https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-kzf7z-8977895?utm_campaign=w_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=w_share
10. http://fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/
11. To Hell with the Hustle (Bethke, Jefferson)
12. The Keys to Fruitfulness (Babers, Charles)
13. https://www.biography.com/inventor/thomas-edison
14. https://www.gatesnotes.com/About-Bill-Gates/Year-in-Review-2018
15. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQeXsqCsbCY
16. Illustrations/Images: Kevin Carden Photography, the Heart of Man Film
17. https://loplifeacademy.com/
This two part article is a great motivator for people to re-prioritize their lives and to live a more fulfilling beautiful life of a servant to the most precious people in their lives. I'm looking forward to seeing this in book form. Great Job!
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