Restoring Rapport

Male Sexual Oversimplification and Misunderstanding: Often, according to common thought, men are perceived as very animalistic creatures who separate emotion from physicality when it comes to sex. It's really become quite a strong stereotype--"Men don't care about bonding and emotional connection with their spouse, they just want to satisfy their physical passions." While I'm not discounting the male sex-drive, I am definitely in strong opposition to the idea that emotions play no role in a man when it comes to sexuality. To be frank, when we summarize a man's sexual desire as 100% physical, we're not only displaying a lack of understanding concerning a man's nature, but we're also nurturing and reinforcing negative male stereotypes AND behavior. To use the words of Jonathan Daugherty, "If we reduce a man simply to his sexuality or his sexual urges, we're really missing a whole lot of what there is in a man" (JWJ #233). Namely, ...

Today, I'd like to submit to you the controversial idea that the primary value of work is not the work in and of itself. The mindset you have towards the purpose of a work is really what determines the value of the work. In other words, the value of work is determined by the spirit you are partnering with in your labor. Far too often today, we determine the value of work based on, not only its genre or title, but also the passion with which it is carried out. We determine the worth of a given work in our lives based on the excellence we strive for in doing it. We say things like, "Any job is a God-job if you give it your all!" and, "All work is valuable if you're giving it your best!" and, "A job well-done is time well-spent!"  While striving for excellence in your work can build your own personal character and grow your own personal success, that's not the primary factor which makes work valuable. Achievement is not the ultimate purpose...

"Probably the most unexplainable reality in all of the universe is how can you have everything and simply want something else that you've been told not to get. That's madness. You've got billions of dollars and you sell your soul for a quarter that you see on the ground." -Dr. Dan Allender (Professor of Counseling Psychology) Humanity has the remarkable ability to adopt counterfeits of the true desires and goodness we were intended for. Sometimes the counterfeits are blatant mockeries of beauty and other times they aren't counterfeits at all--they're good things which distract us from better things. And while good things are indisputably to be sought, they are not designed to stand in the place of better things. Good things are intended to be pursued  in addition to better things; not in the place of them. However, we occasionally, unknown to ourselves, attempt to replace better things with either good things, or blatant counterfeits. I o...

In today's society, the bashing of technology and social media have become a commonplace rant for many people. The cons of Facebook, Instagram, Alexa, Amazon, and Apple dominate the  tête-à-tête  of the table within many homes and social settings. This largely springs from the fact that there are  indisputable   correlations  between interactive screens and social dysfunction. However, today, I submit to you the idea that smart phones and social media are not the problem, but rather the symptom of the root issue. The truth is that the overuse of smart phones and social media are not the cause of social dysfunction, but are rather one of the countless ways through which social dysfunction manifests itself.  Many people today seem to be making the false assumption that, if smart phones and social media are strictly regulated and restrained, social dysfunction will be solved and the value of face-to-face interaction will begin to flourish. In other words, we...

Whenever a major cultural movement creates a shift in societal structure, that movement inevitably leaves a legacy. Boats cause wakes, plates cause quakes, and dandelions cause.....well, thousands more dandelions. Cultural movements are no different; they inevitably leave their offspring. Today, I wish to tell you about a child of the American Spirit of Independence. Just as a noble parent is capable of having ignoble children, the idea of Independence is more than capable of birthing a rebel. And I assure you, it has. To say such a thing pricks the heart to the quick, because in America, we're very proud of our independence. And rightfully so! After all, is not the desire for independence and freedom from bondage the cornerstone of our nation's origin? Is not independence the spark of patriotism? The cry from the heart of the enslaved? It most certainly is. Independence, in its original and intended form, which is freedom from evil, is a most praiseworthy idea. However,...

The contrast between self-abasement and genuine sacrifice is one of the most important distinctions to be made by followers of Jesus. In this post, I'm going to juxtapose the counterfeit of self-denial against the original of sacrifice. There's a huge difference between the two. Sacrifice is selfless. Self-denial, though it may seem counter intuitive, can be selfish. As followers of Jesus, we are one with Him. This means that His character permeates every inch of our being. We share His desires and DNA. Jesus, being the perfect husband that He is, overflows with a desire to serve and a willingness to sacrifice. Because we are continuously becoming more like Jesus, this desire to serve and sacrifice abounds in us as well. Sacrifice is one of the most beautiful, selfless, powerful aspects of love imaginable. Think of how the good husband sacrifices whatever necessary for the comfort and pleasure of his wife. Think of how the good mother sacrifices her time and peace...

Masturbation is possibly the most avoided conversational topic within mainstream Christianity today. The lack of teaching and information given to lovers of Jesus about this topic has pretty much left the waters of personal and moral conviction muddy with uncertainty. Most Christians simply don't know if masturbation is right or not. We're largely unsure of God's Heart regarding sexuality in general, but masturbation specifically. Because of this, most Christians are hesitant to either endorse or condemn masturbation as right or wrong. When presented with the question, "Is masturbation bad?," Christians will probably respond with ambiguity, behaving similarly the elves of Tolkien's imagination who often, when asked a question, "...answer both yes and no." Yet, despite the silence and confusion surrounding it, masturbation is one of the most prevalent issues in humanity today. Don't believe me? Humor me a moment while I give you some statistics t...

I've been wondering why today's society is seeing a decline in marriage numbers when compared to the past. According to Ohio State University Economist and Research Scientist, Jay L. Zagorsky, "Now only about two million marriages happen a year, a drop of almost half a million from their peak ."  Despite the extreme poverty and financial hardship of the time, more people were getting married during the Great Depression than there are now. For me, that's a sobering realization. Think about it. Even though the ability to support a family is more manageable today than it was during the Great Depression, we're seeing fewer marriages today than we've seen in the last 150 years, including the years of WWI and WWII when most men were away fighting. (Jay L. Zagorsky). I used to think the economic infrastructure of society was solely responsible for the decline of marriages, but I was wrong. As is shown in Zagorsky's article, the cause of marital decline is ...

Today, I'm going to point out two interlocking issues that I sometimes see happening in the way humanity approaches social life: Commodification and Objectification. Commodification: What exactly is "commodification?" The definition of commodification is: "The action or process of treating something as a mere commodity." However, I'm going to broaden that definition a wee bit. Commodification is anytime you approach something (or someone) with a consumer-mentality being foremost in your mind. In other words, commodification is essentially asking yourself, "What can I get out of this product? How can it benefit me?" As a customer in a store, there's nothing wrong with this approach! However, what if I suggested that many people actually unwittingly take the approach of commodification out of the business world (where it belongs) and bring it with them into the world of relationship? When people are shopping for coffee, they browse throu...

We've all heard the phrase, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." That phrase holds true for many situations in life. However, God has been revealing to me that there are also many situations where that saying does not apply and, in fact, can cause harm. You see, when it comes to financial investment and business schemes, "Having your fingers in a lot of pies" is a good idea! Equally distributed investment is a good idea when it comes to money. However, since people are not money, I've really begun to question equally distributed investment when it comes to relationships. Let me explain what I mean: Communicating Value: As most people would agree, 100% of your time, money, and energy is being invested into something 100% of the time. In that sense, nobody ever "wastes" their time. We're always investing into something, even if that something is the wrong thing. It's impossible for humans to cease investing for even one millisecon...

"The ONE" We've all had history lessons. We all know of the not-so-distant time in human history (especially among royalty) when young people married apart from their choice (and often against their inclination) simply in order to gain something. From British Television shows to Jane Austen novels, we've all seen the supposedly outdated tradition of arranged marriages. The entire christian population of today's world would unanimously shout with a unified voice that arranged marriages are quite barbaric and that no man or woman should be forced or spurred to marry someone outside of his or her wish, no matter what was to be gained. Yet what if I told you that we inadvertently accuse God of being a fixer of arranged marriages without even knowing it? I'm currently watching a Masterpiece Theatre PBS show called "Victoria." What I am shocked to find is that, in the show, at the time of her singleness, not a single person in the life of...

Today, I'm going to give you a viewpoint on video games that probably hasn't ever occurred to you, and just might change the way you view video games and those that play them. In this post, I'm not declaring video games as either good or bad or addressing the affects they have on people. I know that video games have vast amounts of pros and cons, and there's probably 3 million articles out there about their affects on the human mind. I'm not going to tell you video games are either beneficial or detrimental. Today, I'm simply going to share some ideas and statistics with you that will hopefully spark some sympathy and understanding in you regarding boy's (often excessive) use of video games. I've grown up watching a lot of Moms become concerned for their teenage sons because of the amount of appeal that an interactive screen has for their precious child. My greatest hope for this post is that it will fill all the Moms out there with an overflowing ...